Or die trying

11.8
Blimey, that's a bit of a turn up. I am not even sure how it happened. I just ate my Lighterlife thingies and threw in the odd meal and got slaughtered one night and next thing I know I'm a whole heap lighter and Everyone has noticed how much thinner I am. This is exciting. I need to control it a bit as it's a bit too fast. My clothes fit. Not only that but clothes that have never fitted now fit. Dinner out on Wed will slow things down a bit.

And now I'm off to swim a mile.... ODT.

Not twelve stone

More 11.12 but so great not to be 12.11 or 12 anything.
Big dinner tonight - pork with crackling and veg and I did have a roast potato and 1 small glass of red wine and a chocolate button or two. I'll probably fry in hell ... in pork fat. I so hope I am not mega heavy tomorrow. It was so lovely to eat a proper meal for once. I feel full and happy.

Elevenses

Weight: 11.12
Hoo bloody ray.

Mrs Botox head

Weight: 12 stone
My weight just isn't moving. Well, it is but paraplegically slowly. I wanna be thin and wanna be thin now.

In a lunatically vain moment yesterday I had botox. This was a bit like several angry bees visiting my head for a stinging contest. I can notice absolutely no difference whatsoever except some tiny bruises on my forehead and some little red spots around my eyes. Apparently, it takes a few days to really work. Oh the price of vanity ... £350 to be precise.

I have my period ... groan.

Lazing in bed

Weight: 12stone 1 and a bit.

Why doesn't it go down? Probably because instead of gracing Zumba class with my presence I am in bed writing this - lazy tart.

I have moved my Lighter life class from Tues to Thurs which suits me just fine as I hate the awful negative cow in my class and don't feel all that motivated by the young people in my group. I need people like me - Mums. Also I can't hack evenings.

I am still two and a half stone heavier than I want to be. I have to shift this. Next Thursday I need to be 11 and a half stone. I have a nasty feeling it isn't going to happen. I will try.

Back to the shops to return the clothes that don't fit because I am too bloody fat for them and get some more nice underwear in my real size.

Weight: 12stone 1

This is v annoying as I thought I'd cracked the 12 stone marker - evidently not. Feeling fat I went to Zumba at East Sheen. I get knackered too quickly.

I think my weight gain was due to my enormous curry last night even though I was so perfect the rest of the day.

I'll do it. I'm determined.

Eleven and a half please

Weight: 12stone

I am going to do this. I feel 11 and a half stone looming beautifully on the horizon and at 11.3 I can fit into most of my clothes. I had a good day yesterday and, with the exception of a few buttons, I followed it pretty much to the letter.

Water actually does help you lose weight. I ate an ENORMOUS dinner of the permitted variety and did not put on weight.

I am beginning to get the family on board and understand the way it works. I eat dinners, not lunches or teas or cooked breakfasts. I have my yucky little meal replacements and I get thin. Got it? I just about have. I am excited about losing weight. It's now my new hobby. It may even be my job.

Chocolate buttons do not make you thin. I really should not have a huge jar of Montezuma's giant chocolate buttons in the kitchen. All I do is eat them.

I have just reread the client's charter on Lighter Life and there are certain things that need to be taken to task. Firstly, talking about certain foods. Secondly, talking about me. I am tempted to raise these issues in the next meeting. There's nothing more boring or unhelpful than some sod going on and on about their yummy macademia nuts or maltesers. After all I don't decide to rave about montezuma's giant buttons. If anyone ever says they've seen me at a Lighterlife meeting they will be dead. Teacher, please note.

I must stop eating crap

Weight 12.1
Well pissed off today as I wanted to be 11 stone something and I am not. This is probably because I keep tipping loads of wine, chocolate, sandwiches and anything else I can down my big fat throat. I did swim yesterday but then hit the bar afterwards in a stupid moment.

May today be better - please.

The masterplan

Still 12 bloody stone!

Oh well, I have been drinking far too much wine so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised and I forgot that pizza is like poison to my body. It goes all large in response.

However, yesterday I did manage a fairly perfect LL day. I don't like the meal replacements but I just think of them as magic medicine that will make me thin.

How long will this take? Let's see. Maybe 4 pounds a week and I have about 20 pounds to lose. Gosh that's a mere 5 weeks until some of my clothes fit. Then we have Christmas which will probably be a bit tricky. Then back on track in Jan ready to get the last bits off for the Caribbean holiday in Feb. What a masterplan.

Twelve stone

Weight 12stone 0lbs
I am now two and a half stone overweight as opposed to three stone. Lighter Life may be vile and it may be expensive but it truly works.

The pee stick is dead weird. You have these little sticks that you pee on and, a bit like a pregnancy tester, the end changes colour depending on how you are doing. Mine went off the scale in the dark red zone. Apparently I need to drink more water. Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that. I'd been buzzing around all day with only time for one cup of tea in Selfridges. I must stock up on waters so I can carry a small bottle with me in my bag.

It works

Weight: 12.2

I haven't managed to give up alcohol. In fact on Thursday I got very drunk. However, over the weekend I really got into the diet and now it's going better. You have to think of the potions like medicine that will make you thin. Some of them are nasty medicines. But they do make you lose weight. I am doing well and to be honest, this is about day 4 rather than the prescribed day 7.

At Zumba yesterday I was the fattest in the class, by a long way. It was dispiriting. I now know why I am doing this. I absolutely have to lose weight. I also booked a Caribbean holiday in February and for that I most definitely cannot be this fat. Oh no sir.

Disaster Day

I ate my diet then felt hungry so ate everything I could. I then felt ill. I don't think chocolate, cheese and wine mix well with diet potions. I will be better today. But I don't think I'll ever ditch everything. It's too drastic. Maybe I should give myself a no alcohol 2 weeks. That should do the trick.

Lighter life was a bit of a disappointment. It's posh Weightwatchers with potions. The packet foods are simply Slimfast type things, too sweet and too tiny. It was also all a bit disorganised. It took forever to be weighed and measured. I wanted to eat cream buns and yell "I like food and being fat isn't that bad". Then I thought "Actually, being this fat is very bad." So I paid my money for my bits of blotting paper, or whatever the porridge is made from, and I am now a subscriber to the multi million pound diet industry of Britain. The whole thing seemed to take about two hours - most of which was spent sitting around doing nothing. I was so hungry I thought I would eat my guide to lighterlife lite booklet. When I got home I ate everything I could find i.e a bit of hard cheese, some mouldy grapes and the remains of a packet of chocolate buttons.

Lighter Life Day

Weight: 12stone 3lbs

Aha, this is good because my BMI will be perfect for Lighterlife but this is bad because in order to get to this weight I have survived for two days on appetite suppressants, no food and very little sleep. I will probably put on weight when I start the diet.

I have an appointment at 7.45pm today and I am really excited. I am going to be less fat - wheeehee.

People keep telling me I'm not fat but Mr Smith and I agree that three stone is two stone too many overweight. So I am aiming at 10 and a half stone and a size 14.

Not quite there

Weight: 12stone 5lbs
Problem: Lighter life weigh you with clothes on then calculate your BMI ...
Tomorrow.

It all went very well yesterday, then we had Steak & Kidney pudding for dinner. It was really good.... especially the suet pastry. I was so full.

Dancing this morning, then walking and lots of water.